1. |
Does It Ever?
02:06
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Got all these songs I haven't finished
Strewn across a messy bed
Haven't slept so I'm just thinking
Is there a way out of all of this?
Paralyzed by thoughts of dying
Cup of coffee in my hand
I watch the dishes pile in the sink
I just can't deal with them
Not yet
Still stuck inside my head
I promise I can fix this
Can't promise when
Half awake I walk down broadway
Got my mother's restless head
And my father's inclination
To do nothing about it
Drag myself onto the subway
A sea of bodies shuffle in
Tell myself I'm not the only one
That's going through some shit
But yet
I'm still stuck inside my head
I promise I can fix this, just don't know when
Does it ever get better, the shaking in my hands?
Does it ever get better, the pounding in my chest?
Does it ever get better?
'Cause I've been scared just to fucking stand
Does it ever get better?
Does it ever?
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2. |
Just This One Thing
03:41
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Too wide awake to sleep
Too tired to really do anything
So I pour some coffee and grit my teeth
Throwing words against my screen
Wait for them to mean anything
Chronicle a year under the glow of the TV
There's an aching in my head
From all the things I haven't done yet
That's not to say I don't like who I am
I watch the sun engulf the city
I'm quietly muttering
I pace my narrow hallway and go to slee
'Cause I got what I need, cant you see?
There's just this one thing
I spend most days alone
That's not so bad at 31
Think I'll clean up the apartment just incase I meet someone
There's no more clutter in my bedroom
No more dishes in the sink
Think that's a sign I'm finally learning how to deal with things
And I got what I need, cant you see?
There's just this one thing
And I'd walk till my feet bruise and bleed
To find that last piece
And I got what I need, cant you see?
There's just this one thing
And I'd gnaw all the skin off my teeth
For a moment of peace
Still bad here in my head
I promise you I'm working through it
I should get some air and leave this bed
So I walk under the train tracks
See purple in the sky
I don't know where I'm going but I'll be fine.
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3. |
Anchor
03:45
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Stayed inside, blamed the weather
It was really my brain
Got in bed to get better
Just thought a lot about it and stayed awake
I'm not a good faker
I think that shows on my face
So when you ask how I'm doing
It's clear to everybody I'm panicking
Got time 'till forever
So it's just me and my shame
Think I'll clean the apartment
This mess is saying something about me
Turn on a hot shower
Try to wash off the day
Think it's time I try harder
Things have to get better eventually
But what I'm I supposed to do
When every thought I have comes back to you?
And what am I supposed to say that you haven't already?
I wish I could
Be a little more like you
Selfless and sure, you really got me fucked up
And I wish I was
A little more like everyone
Safe from the storm that always tears my head up
I think that would be enough
I really needed an anchor
I really needed that person you could be
And now I have all this anger
And nowhere to place it but inside me
So will you come be my anchor?
Will you plug all the holes from where I still bleed?
Will you quell all this anger
I've built up from years of being me?
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4. |
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Blue light on my red eyes
For the 10th hour again
Blurry words and numbers
Man, I gotta do better than this
Staring out my window
New York don't look so bad
But I'm thinking 'bout the west coast
I'm getting lost again
All the lives I haven't lived
Keep playing in my head
Never was a sleeper
I just can't stay still in bed
So I talk to my demons
Killing time inside of my head
Looking for a redeemer
For the awful things I did
I hear a voice say "Hey man, you should get some help for this"
But we know I never did
Scrolled away the night instead
I can't keep my head still
Without the right combination of pills
Take two every night and watch Manhattan fade out
Wake up in the morning, now I'm someone else
I don't even care if I burn everything down
Just me and my dog crossing the country some how
I want to be something more than half of myself
Don't know where I'm going
But I gotta get out.
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